Diet: Day 1

The plan last night was to "live it up" by eating and drinking like a fat person for one final evening. I didn't quite pig out like I planned but the quality of my choices adequately reflect my inner fat person. First up was a Totino's frozen pizza, lovingly prepared by my beautiful wife. Of course I ate the whole thing! That Serving Size of 1/2 a pizza? Bwhahahahahahha! Eating 1/2 a frozen pizza is for losers. Looks like I more than covered my fat and sodium requirements for one meal. Next up was a bag of Doritos. The bag contained both chipotle ranch and zesty taco flavored tortilla chips. To wash down the pizza and chips I knocked back my last four Sam Adams. That wasn't nearly enough beer to balance out the unquenchable thirst that one gets from eating Totinos and Doritios, so I went to the store and bought a 12 pack of Bud. I think I drank about 5 or 6 of those cans, then moved onto coconut rum and vodka. So this morning, I had no problem with sticking to the diet and drinking massive quantities of water. As of this writing, I'm up to 72 ounces. The odd part is that I haven't had any of that water make it to the bladder yet. This will be my last morning of extreme dehydration for at least a couple weeks. The plan is to drink water and then drink some more water then drink some more, then eat tons of veggies that contain mostly water and the fat will simply melt away. That's the plan anyway.

Today's breakfast was a giant apple and a South American peach. My inner fat person is requesting waffles with ice cream with strawberry syrup. Since I have no access to such breakfasts here at work, there's not really any temptation.

I wonder how my dieting partner Deb is making out this morning?

One thing I failed to do was record an accurate measurement of my enormous deer gut. Shedding pounds is not really the goal here, I'm more interested in shedding inches. A body this big uses far too much sunscreen, and takes forever to coat. Any ideas on the best way to measure things? Should I have someone slip a tape measure around my waist while I sleep? That way I can avoid all cheating like sucking it in? Too bad I have no way to measure my water displacement. I'm too big / tall to be completely submerged in the bath tub.

For the record, I weighed in yesterday morning at 220 lbs. 

I'll be sitting on my ass all day at work, so any exercise will have to take place this evening. I think an evening walk would be a good place to start. I'd really want to avoid excessive physical activity at the beginning of the diet. If I don't ease into it, something awful will happen. I'll break an ankle, pull a muscle, or some other injury that would limit my ability to continue exercising. It's better to take it slow and ease into the physical activity, as my body will already being going through withdrawal from the usual assortment of tasty treats I feed my face every day. A body can only endure so much. No more beer and chips is already enough shock to the system.

Time for another bottle of water. That will make four. Go me!